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The "Me" Principle

By Marc Lamson

Have you ever invited a bunch of people to an event at your house and then been amazed at how many people don’t respond? Last year, my wife and I decided to have several of our neighbors over for a holiday party for some cocktails and hors d’oeuvres. We personally put the invitations in 12 mailboxes with an RSVP date of two weeks later. Guess how many people responded – only three of the 12. It was hard to believe, after all, these were our neighbors. To make sure we could plan the right amount of food, I called them, checking to see if some of the invitations mysteriously disappeared from their mailboxes. Everyone had a different excuse for not replying: “I forgot,” “I’ve been so busy,” “I wasn’t sure when it was,” or “I lost the invitation.”

While we were discussing this apparent lack of common courtesy demonstrated by our neighbors, my wife said something that impacted me. “Everyone is caught up in the drama of their own lives.” Think about it. Most people think they are so busy – they have so many problems, they work the hardest and at the end of the day, they only think and care, about themselves and their little world where they are the center. I call this the “Me” Principle – people only care about what’s in their best interest. As a professional who depends on being able to effectively communicate with others, you can’t get caught up in the drama of your own life. Instead, focus on others.

Be Other-Centered

Dale Carnegie said it best in his, How to Win Friends and Influence People, “Become genuinely interested in other people.” Try it. You will be amazed at what you find out about others, what they are willing to tell you. The key to being successful in serving and selling to customers is to meet or exceed their expectations. To do this you need to know their expectations. They need to feel comfortable talking to you, telling you what is important to them.

Have you ever had a conversation with someone and they thanked you for a great conversation? If you stop and think about it, they likely did most of the talking and you were just a good listener. They enjoyed talking about themselves. Instead of being self-centered, like many people, be other-centered. Focus on the customer; but not just the customer. Focus on all others: your spouse, your parent, your friend, strangers you meet. Be other-centered even when you are the customer. When you call customer service get something resolved, take the same approach.

Let Them Know You Care

What are you doing to show your customers that you are other-centered? Try this:

* Before you pick up the phone, visualize that person. Where they are, what their environment is, even their appearance. If you focus on them you will be less distracted by the things around you.
* Listen for their name, write it down and use it appropriately.
* Ask questions about them: What do they do, how long have they been there? How do they like it? What are they working on?
* It is important that your interest is genuine, and not manipulative.
* Listen closely to what they tell you they want or need.

Do you think being other-centered might give you a competitive advantage? For the next week, try to learn something about each person you talk to unrelated to your product or service. Show a genuine interest in them. Keep it up when you leave the office. Your relationships will improve and you will become one of those people everyone likes.

By the way, we had a great time at our own party – everyone talked about themselves the whole time. My wife and I had fun doing some other-centered listening.

About Aslan

Aslan Sales Training is a global training and consulting firm that offers customized inside sales training, field sales training, and sales leadership development. For over 15 years, Aslan has helped internationally recognized brands, such as FedEx, Oracle, Xerox, GE, Apple and others, improve the performance of their sales reps and managers. Aslan recognizes that selling, managing customers, and prospecting over the phone require a unique skill set. As a result, the company has developed a total solution that includes hiring strategies, transitioning managers into coaches and leaders and improving overall performance.